Saturday, April 14, 2007
It just came to me that a point in my life has come; a point when I just don't see a need to put on a facade that I'm happy with my life when I'm not. Maybe I'm tired of being afraid of people judging me through this blog, whenever I type out something emotional, something that's real, something that's me.
So I'm closing this blog, and moving to someplace where I can be myself, without having to lie, without having to smile when all I need is someone to lean on and cry. Just because I'm afraid of the superficiality of this world, just because I realised some things are best kept to myself.
May this blog serve as a reminder of my many happy memories.
Take care sunshine.
the time is 2:07 PM
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I remember, there was a time, about 9 years ago on my 7th birthday. It was my first birthday to be spent in school, and I had my hair braided because it was a special day. When I reached the door, Daddy told me to undo my hair and tie a proper ponytail, but I didn't listen, because I just wanted to look pretty on my birthday. So instead of going back into my room, I just walked to the lift. After daddy entered the lift and saw my braids, he gave me my first slap and told me to go back into the house to undo them. For the first time in my life, I felt a heartache that was so unbearable that you would have thought it'd make the loudest crash in the world. But it's silent, and it resounds within you.
That ache seems to come to me, ever so often now.
But it bugs me not because of the heightened work I've to complete in school.
It bugs me not because I hadn't had enough sleep for the past few weeks.
It bugs me not because I lost my ez link card for the first time after topping up my concession.
It bugs me not because I end up having to pay $50.
It bugs me not because I had to travel all the way to pasir ris after school ended at 4.40 alone, only to realise that I needed to bring my ic, which i didnt.
It bugs me not because I've no money left, after paying for everything, for class funds, for the lost card, for my tennis racquet, for the refunds.
It bugs me not because I can't even do one inclined pull up, no matter how hard i train and try.
It bugs me not because my foot sears with pain with every step i take, much less run, and all I want to do is run again.
It bugs me not because I can't go for a checkup, because my mom doesnt believe me when I say my foot hurts.
It bugs me not because some things have never been reciprocated all my life.
It bugs me not because sometimes, I feel as though that I need so much to run elsewhere, alone, to avoid the world's clutches.
It bugs me not because I find myself in tears these days.
It bugs me not because I'm discriminated all my life for the way I look, or my size.
It bugs me not because I find myself loaded with things to be done, yet I find no time for them.
It bugs me not because I find myself always waiting, waiting, only to realise I'm the only one who actually cared.
It bugs me
only because, through all those times, I feel as though I've been running alone.
the time is 7:02 PM
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Hey sunshine (:
I know this is a massive amount of pictures, and I apologise if I caused your computer to lag. (: Haha.
We had a cg outing today, and we had a really great time. (:
Here's what we did in short:
-headed to meet the rest at hmv
-went to subway
-pool-ed for an hour and a half (that photo's damn right illegal: and i was notified over the p.a system by the guy that went "NO DIGITAL PHOTO TAKING ALLOWED" followed by 50 pairs of eyes in my direction. (: right, I didn't see any "no picture taking" sign, though I should have known better, ahha (:)
-had dinner(some at carl's, rach,py and i went to the food court because fast food wasnt agreeing with our wallets and stomachs. (:)
-decided to head to peninsular plaza to get my tennis racquet
-saw a multitude of gorgeous shoes, no racquets. :(
-headed to funan to get my beautiful wilson racquet that burnt a big fat hole in my wallet.
-headed to the esplanade
-had the greatest supper at haagen dazs (: (more holes, more holes..)
-Roof top. (: where Angel, the candid photographer strutted her stuff. haha.
:D I'd say more another day, for now, i need rest! (:
haha, till then!
Quote of the day: Amos: "WOT eva!" (:
and that's angel, ready to whack some balls.
haha, nooo, not in her sis's bedroom. (:
the time is 2:00 AM
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Random musings (once more) of this girl:
1. I had my first tennis training session on monday (: let's just say, my love for it wouldnt die off any time soon, for now, i just need to improve on my strokes, keep my eyes on the ball. (:
2. Watermelon juice: 1. tastes great 2. keeps me full 3. healthy (: what's there not to love about it?
3. I've heard Katherine Mcphee's "over it" over 215908193483 times on youtube, i swear it's addictive, or at least to me.
4. I took a pretty long time, after which, i'm done reading my econs notes, which makes me 2 chapters back still, great. (: though, i still love econs.
5. I think Daryl's real sweet and real fun to talk to (:
6. Alot of people has been sick, esp Ryan who's in hospital. Get well soon you all, (: be strong!
7. I missed my banana 5 times today: - yes, it still hurts, babe.
8. Thanks to Chun han, Nan Xiao, Brina and Ben who waited for me after PE just to go home together, how can anybody get sweeter than that? (:
9. I realised that you were the reason I started it all, you were the reason that I had this goal.
10. I love tuesday's timetable.
11. Realised that I'm not going to get much sleep tonight.
12. I think my ligament's cranked up again, and I'm still running.
13. When I think I'm stressed, I'd start to think of others who've other classes that runs into the night, and I think, what's mine?
14. My low blood sugar level's been affecting me these few days, been real giddy, keep losing unconciousness here and there, black and white spots, yet I still refuse to take chocolates.
15. oh hell I'm trying, trying so hard to forget, yet you're always there. - compliments from the influence of wynne; a haiku (japanese poem that goes 5,7,5)
Love, Angel. (:
the time is 9:30 AM
It just came to me that a point in my life has come; a point when I just don't see a need to put on a facade that I'm happy with my life when I'm not. Maybe I'm tired of being afraid of people judging me through this blog, whenever I type out something emotional, something that's real, something that's me.
So I'm closing this blog, and moving to someplace where I can be myself, without having to lie, without having to smile when all I need is someone to lean on and cry. Just because I'm afraid of the superficiality of this world, just because I realised some things are best kept to myself.
May this blog serve as a reminder of my many happy memories.
Take care sunshine.
the time is 2:07 PM
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I remember, there was a time, about 9 years ago on my 7th birthday. It was my first birthday to be spent in school, and I had my hair braided because it was a special day. When I reached the door, Daddy told me to undo my hair and tie a proper ponytail, but I didn't listen, because I just wanted to look pretty on my birthday. So instead of going back into my room, I just walked to the lift. After daddy entered the lift and saw my braids, he gave me my first slap and told me to go back into the house to undo them. For the first time in my life, I felt a heartache that was so unbearable that you would have thought it'd make the loudest crash in the world. But it's silent, and it resounds within you.
That ache seems to come to me, ever so often now.
But it bugs me not because of the heightened work I've to complete in school.
It bugs me not because I hadn't had enough sleep for the past few weeks.
It bugs me not because I lost my ez link card for the first time after topping up my concession.
It bugs me not because I end up having to pay $50.
It bugs me not because I had to travel all the way to pasir ris after school ended at 4.40 alone, only to realise that I needed to bring my ic, which i didnt.
It bugs me not because I've no money left, after paying for everything, for class funds, for the lost card, for my tennis racquet, for the refunds.
It bugs me not because I can't even do one inclined pull up, no matter how hard i train and try.
It bugs me not because my foot sears with pain with every step i take, much less run, and all I want to do is run again.
It bugs me not because I can't go for a checkup, because my mom doesnt believe me when I say my foot hurts.
It bugs me not because some things have never been reciprocated all my life.
It bugs me not because sometimes, I feel as though that I need so much to run elsewhere, alone, to avoid the world's clutches.
It bugs me not because I find myself in tears these days.
It bugs me not because I'm discriminated all my life for the way I look, or my size.
It bugs me not because I find myself loaded with things to be done, yet I find no time for them.
It bugs me not because I find myself always waiting, waiting, only to realise I'm the only one who actually cared.
It bugs me
only because, through all those times, I feel as though I've been running alone.
the time is 7:02 PM
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Hey sunshine (:
I know this is a massive amount of pictures, and I apologise if I caused your computer to lag. (: Haha.
We had a cg outing today, and we had a really great time. (:
Here's what we did in short:
-headed to meet the rest at hmv
-went to subway
-pool-ed for an hour and a half (that photo's damn right illegal: and i was notified over the p.a system by the guy that went "NO DIGITAL PHOTO TAKING ALLOWED" followed by 50 pairs of eyes in my direction. (: right, I didn't see any "no picture taking" sign, though I should have known better, ahha (:)
-had dinner(some at carl's, rach,py and i went to the food court because fast food wasnt agreeing with our wallets and stomachs. (:)
-decided to head to peninsular plaza to get my tennis racquet
-saw a multitude of gorgeous shoes, no racquets. :(
-headed to funan to get my beautiful wilson racquet that burnt a big fat hole in my wallet.
-headed to the esplanade
-had the greatest supper at haagen dazs (: (more holes, more holes..)
-Roof top. (: where Angel, the candid photographer strutted her stuff. haha.
:D I'd say more another day, for now, i need rest! (:
haha, till then!
Quote of the day: Amos: "WOT eva!" (:
and that's angel, ready to whack some balls.
haha, nooo, not in her sis's bedroom. (:
the time is 2:00 AM
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Random musings (once more) of this girl:
1. I had my first tennis training session on monday (: let's just say, my love for it wouldnt die off any time soon, for now, i just need to improve on my strokes, keep my eyes on the ball. (:
2. Watermelon juice: 1. tastes great 2. keeps me full 3. healthy (: what's there not to love about it?
3. I've heard Katherine Mcphee's "over it" over 215908193483 times on youtube, i swear it's addictive, or at least to me.
4. I took a pretty long time, after which, i'm done reading my econs notes, which makes me 2 chapters back still, great. (: though, i still love econs.
5. I think Daryl's real sweet and real fun to talk to (:
6. Alot of people has been sick, esp Ryan who's in hospital. Get well soon you all, (: be strong!
7. I missed my banana 5 times today: - yes, it still hurts, babe.
8. Thanks to Chun han, Nan Xiao, Brina and Ben who waited for me after PE just to go home together, how can anybody get sweeter than that? (:
9. I realised that you were the reason I started it all, you were the reason that I had this goal.
10. I love tuesday's timetable.
11. Realised that I'm not going to get much sleep tonight.
12. I think my ligament's cranked up again, and I'm still running.
13. When I think I'm stressed, I'd start to think of others who've other classes that runs into the night, and I think, what's mine?
14. My low blood sugar level's been affecting me these few days, been real giddy, keep losing unconciousness here and there, black and white spots, yet I still refuse to take chocolates.
15. oh hell I'm trying, trying so hard to forget, yet you're always there. - compliments from the influence of wynne; a haiku (japanese poem that goes 5,7,5)
Love, Angel. (:
the time is 9:30 AM